Falling out of love with football was a gradual process that I didn’t even realise was happening. December 2013 to February 2014 was the hardest part of my life. I treated each day with hope but it always ended in sorrow as I struggled to even sleep, worrying about my football career and where I would end up in life.
A lot of people, especially my parents and my girlfriend, suffered during those few months, as I must have been an absolute nightmare to be around with as they felt the wrath of my mood swings.
I would spend my days alternating between going to the gym and heading for my runs, trying to replicate what I think the S.league teams in pre-season were doing.
It was hard to motivate myself during some days but I was just living in hope that a call would come one day. I had called every club in the S.League with varying degrees of success.
The closest I came to joining a team was Home United, despite everyone warning me not to do so due to the coach’s training regime, as well as Balestier Khalsa, where I even had a meeting at the office with the chairman and team manager.
Both of these offers fell through, along with my positivity, as they decided on different players and a different direction.
A club in the first tier of the current S.League season did offer me a contract after I had started my career at Red Card, but by then I had already felt my love for the game diminishing after all the heartache while looking for a club.
At this point, I would like to apologise to Singapore Recreational Club, a team in the National Football League. They heard my story and wanted me to join them for the season. I thought it was a good idea to keep myself involved in the game in Singapore’s second highest league behind the S.League.
I started the season well assisting and scoring goals but it just papered over the cracks that I wasn’t interested in playing anymore. They were really professional in their approach to the game and I was so impressed with their love for the sport.
From coach Ramoo to team manager Mogan, they had great enthusiasm for the game and they even gave a man of the match award for every game and organized team meals out of their own pockets.
These little things were well appreciated as they sent text messages to the players giving us words of encouragement before a big game. The only text message I got during the S.League was by my coach to report to the stadium to give my medical certificate to him personally even though I was down with dengue. Class act!
As I slowly faded from the National Football League scene, I didn’t come for trainings and even their matches as I started to hate the game that gave me a lot of joy. I know I disappointed them as they gave me everything I wanted and more.
They treated me like a real professional even though they were just an amateur side. But my heart wasn’t it in anymore. I stopped playing for awhile and took myself out of the game. After a while, I joined up with some friends and now I play in a social team every weekend to try and get the buzz back week by week.
I realised that this was down to playing football for fun again without the favouritism and politics surrounding a simple game of football. And that’s the way it should be.